"I just didn't think life could be like this again"
Melanie and Matt have found love following the grief of losing a spouse
When Melanie and Matt met at a Christmas lunch for those experiencing the loss of a loved one, they had little idea what lay ahead.
Melanie’s husband, Russell, and Matt’s wife, Debbie, had both died at St Michael’s, but before this festive meeting at the Fisherman’s Arms in Docklow, the pair had never met.
They have since found love together, and say St Michael’s will forever hold a special place in their hearts.
“I just didn’t think life could be like this again,” said Melanie, from Ross-on-Wye.
“It’s certainly not something I had in mind, but after meeting Matt and being good friends for a while, things just started to gel.”
Russell, Melanie’s husband, was a GP in south Herefordshire. After contracting Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis – a chronic lung disease -he came under the care of St Michael’s, specifically our Community Specialist Doctor, Dr Cath Blinman. He died at St Michael’s in May 2022.
Debbie, meanwhile, had an aggressive form of cancer. Diagnosed in May 2023, she sadly died during her second stay at St Michael’s just four months later.
“The care given to Russell was just faultless, and the support to us as a family was equally amazing,” said Melanie.
“Russell wanted to give one of our daughters away at her wedding, which was brought forward to enable him to do so. For our other daughter, we held a graduation ceremony for her dad to witness at St Michael’s.
“I’ve had counselling here, plus mindfulness support. They really helped, yet I didn’t think any of this would be possible at St Michael’s. It’s a place where families are looked after just as much as the patient.”
Matt said he and Debbie’s knowledge of the Hospice prior to her admission was limited.
“We actually thought St Michael’s was the rather austere looking building visible from the main road,” said Matt, referring to the former convent at Frome Court.
“I’m so glad we came though. The nursing staff were fantastic and so attentive, and just made Debbie as comfortable as possible. They managed her pain really well.
“The wider support was invaluable too. The volunteer Homemakers, with their tea, cake and reassuring smiles, were incredible.
“I often returned to St Michael’s late in the evening, just to sit with Debbie until she went to sleep. The staff were so understanding and easy to talk to. There was even one occasion when a staff member was leaving and they invited me to their farewell get together.
“Ultimately, I think I just knew Debs was in safe hands – and that’s so important.”
Melanie and Matt’s story, while not unheard of, is uncommon. Their journey is not about forgetting Russell and Debbie, but actually embracing their memories and their common loss to move forward.They are full of praise though for the Counselling and Bereavement team at St Michael’s, and say they fully appreciate how vital bereavement services can be, including a WhatsApp group set up during the Covid pandemic to support the bereaved, which now has more than 130 members.
“When you’re bereaved, there can be an enormous loneliness,” said Matt. “As beneficial as bereavement lunches and other events can be, it can often be difficult returning to an empty house. That’s why I think the WhatsApp group is so important. It gives people an outlet to share experiences and thoughts, which used to be shared withthat person’s partner.
“For me, I never thought I would meet someone as special as Melanie.
“I’ve so much to thank St Michael’s for. I really don’t think I would have been in the same place without their support. I’d certainly be a lot more emotionally fragile. But thanks to St Michael’s, I feel I’m able to enjoy my life again, and that seemed difficult to imagine.”
Matt has also indulged his love for singing by joining the St Michael’s Hospice Bereavement Choir.
“It’s just brilliant. It’s not about how good you are, it’s about coming together to enjoy the therapy and joy that music and singing with others can bring.
“When I think of the Hospice, I just think they’re all miracle workers. They manage to turn what is such a tough situation into something that is bearable – and that’s amazing.”
Melanie admits attending that first bereavement group get-togethercan be “overwhelmingly daunting”.